Hilarious Jokes to Lighten Your Mood
By Steven Jeny | March 13, 2007
People say some pretty funny things. Sometimes it is meticulously planned out by a comedian. Other times, it is our President mangling the English language. Either way, the following should make you crack up.
1. Rodney Dangerfield – I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
2. Paul Ehrlich – To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer.
3. Steven Wright – I intend to live forever – so far, so good.
4. Jay Leno – Dick Cheney says he loves California – out here the rich and famous can shoot people and get away with it. Wait till these Enron guys find out that in prison, the term “Insider trading” has a whole new meaning.
5. Edward Abbey – A drink a day keeps the shrink away.
6. Steven Wright – To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
7. Rodney Dangerfield – A girl phoned me the other day and said… Come on over, there’s nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.
8. George Bush – The only way we can win is to leave before the job is done.
9. Jay Leno – Researchers have found that oral sex among teenagers has doubled in the last ten years. So who says there is no lasting Clinton legacy.
10. Rodney Dangerfield – I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
11. Winston Churchill – A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
12. Dave Attell – You ever get drunk and pass out… or as I call it ‘time travel’?
13. Dave Attell – Man, you’ve gone from social drinker to alcoholic really quickly.
14. Jay Leno – In California, 50 women protested the impending war with Iraq by lying on the ground naked and spelling out the word ‘peace.’ Right idea, wrong president.
15. Bill Cosby – A word to the wise ain’t necessary — it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
Life can be serious, but dont put too much stock in the pressures of the moment. Tomorrow is a new day and somewhere, somehow, someone will say something hilarious.
Get free daily funny quotes at FunnyQuotesDaily.com.
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Topics: Humor | Comments Off
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MLA Style Citation:
Jeny, Steven "Hilarious Jokes to Lighten Your Mood." Hilarious Jokes to Lighten Your Mood. 13 Mar. 2007. uberarticles.com. 6 Sep 2010 <http://uberarticles.com/arts-and-entertainment/humor/hilarious-jokes-to-lighten-your-mood>.
APA Style Citation:
Jeny, S (2007, March 13). Hilarious Jokes to Lighten Your Mood. Retrieved September 6, 2010, from http://uberarticles.com/arts-and-entertainment/humor/hilarious-jokes-to-lighten-your-mood
Chicago Style Citation:
Jeny, Steven "Hilarious Jokes to Lighten Your Mood" uberarticles.com. http://uberarticles.com/arts-and-entertainment/humor/hilarious-jokes-to-lighten-your-mood
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