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Positive Parenting Basics Combat Negative Behaviors

By Charles Murray

The entire family can experience arguing and fighting as teenage children go through many changes that affect their actions and decisions. Consistent shouting, yelling, and other disrespectful behaviors can result when teenagers are not equipped to handle these stressful changes.

Time is a precious commodity in society, but it is required for positive parenting. Infants and toddlers often receive countless hours of personal attention each day from parents who are holding, feeding, bathing, soothing, and caring for them. Babies cry and are fed, toddlers get kisses on bumped heads, and young children are cradled when scared. Parents are often the caregivers who provide these basics every day, for hours each day. These caring measures are also done while keeping the children safe, teaching them new things, and enjoying sharing new adventures.

It seems to happen in an instant that children develop into teenagers who spend very little quality time with their parents and family members. The time that is spent together is often filled with deadlines, tasks, and parents struggling to enforce rules and guidelines. When the interactions are filled with emotions and actions that are not centered on positive activities, it should not come as a surprise that children resent the parents. Parents who have turned focus on keeping children in line and forgone positive parenting will be facing challenges.

Parents need to assess the schedules of the family and determine how much real quality time is spent between parents and children. Single parents can face even greater challenges, but the need is still paramount to creating successful relationships. After parents work a full day, care for household responsibilities, and chauffeur children to events, there still needs to be time available for relaxing or enjoyable activities shared between parents and children. As families lead hectic and overscheduled lives, it is dangerous to let those lives be void of positive quality time spent with children on a regular, if not daily basis. Time is essential to strengthen the relationships within the family, improve communication, and help reduce stress for all involved.

As families work to get back to the basics of spending time together, it is necessary for parents not to resort to arguing and shouting when dealing with frustrations. Parents who can learn to walk away from an argument before it begins will have an easier time dealing with the real issues. Teenagers might continue to try to involve parents in the negative arguments, but parents need to avoid getting caught in these struggles.

Instead, a parent can tell a child why certain choices have been made or boundaries have been set in as calm of a manner as possible. There is no guarantee the child will like it and the child might choose to argue, yell, or whine in response. The parent needs to remain calm and end the discussion on a positive note, something such as, ?These rules have been made because I love you and want you to be safe.? Then the important part is to walk away or at the least not engage in any more arguments on the topic.

Children who always seem to need to have the last word in an argument are perhaps doing this because they fear being wrong. Parents need to spend time with their children communicating with them and creating safe environments where there is no judgment placed on the conversations. Thanking a child for sharing her thoughts at the end of a conversation is a good way to show that the view of the child is important and not criticized.

Children, whether they are infants or teenagers, need time with parents filled with love and attention. Parenting teenagers can be one of the most challenging, yet wonderful experiences a parent can have. When families remember to slow down and make time for each other, allowing opportunities for open exchanges and conversations, everyone benefits. Sometimes the best lesson is learning how not to argue with children.

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Article Citation
MLA Style Citation:
Murray, Charles "Positive Parenting Basics Combat Negative Behaviors." Positive Parenting Basics Combat Negative Behaviors. 26 Jun. 2010. 23 Sep 2014 <>.

APA Style Citation:
Murray, C (2010, June 26). Positive Parenting Basics Combat Negative Behaviors. Retrieved September 23, 2014, from

Chicago Style Citation:
Murray, Charles "Positive Parenting Basics Combat Negative Behaviors"

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