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Children Discipline – Dealing With Victim Mentality

By Matt Hellstrom

One of the challenges that children possess is faulty thinking, or “stinking thinking”. In reality, it’s a problem that grownups have, as well. What I’m speaking about is when you think a certain way in order to rationalize a conduct. For instance, if you’re on a diet program and you treat yourself to a large piece of pie due to the fact you’ve been doing such a fine job, that is a thinking error. Rewarding yourself in that way is counter-productive to your desired goals, and is justifying the piece of cake. It’s not logical, and it’s self-defeating.

Children are also masters of thinking errors, which is understandable, because from my personal practical knowledge kids do not begin thinking logically until at some point in their 20s. So up until that time, their thinking is faulty. A great illustration of this is the victim attitude.

It’s not my fault!

That’s the concept of the child with the victim attitude – that nothing is ever their mistake. Usually this stance occurs about when they’re challenged by a problem, or they can’t meet their responsibilities. I’ve got a little shooter that will use every excuse in the book not to do his homework, and it’s by no means his fault. Teacher didn’t make me check my box. I had to go to youth group. You took too long making supper and I ran out of time. Brother took my time on the video game, therefore I got started late. On and on and on. Constantly everybody else’s negligence.

Here’s the difficulty with that. Usually, when a kid won’t fulfill his duties, natural consequences will help him change next time. If he won’t accomplish his homework, he’ll get in trouble by the teacher and possibly embarrassed in front of the class, and next time ideally he’ll perform his homework. When a teenager has the victim attitude, however, he believes it’s not his fault, so he doesn’t need to really feel embarrassed or in trouble. His thinking error is that he didn’t do anything incorrect.

Exactly how do you deal with little victims?

The ideal way to manage this issue is to address them head on. Explain to them “your teacher said you are not getting your homework done. What is going on?” and let them respond. If they blame someone else, don’t argue with them, however say plainly “This is your obligation. If you want help, you can ask for it. You’re not the victim here – you have choices”. Then ask if he has homework, and tell him to go do it and let you know when it’s done. No long lectures, simply get him moving. It really is ok if he seems uneasy, that is right where you would like him!

Matt writes articles about parenting and child raising, including Total Transformation by James Lehman and also reports on James Lehman Scam.

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Article Citation
MLA Style Citation:
Hellstrom, Matt "Children Discipline – Dealing With Victim Mentality." Children Discipline – Dealing With Victim Mentality. 21 Jun. 2010. uberarticles.com. 29 Oct 2014 <http://uberarticles.com/home-and-family/parenting/children-discipline-dealing-with-victim-mentality/>.

APA Style Citation:
Hellstrom, M (2010, June 21). Children Discipline – Dealing With Victim Mentality. Retrieved October 29, 2014, from http://uberarticles.com/home-and-family/parenting/children-discipline-dealing-with-victim-mentality/

Chicago Style Citation:
Hellstrom, Matt "Children Discipline – Dealing With Victim Mentality" uberarticles.com. http://uberarticles.com/home-and-family/parenting/children-discipline-dealing-with-victim-mentality/


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