Control Freaks

By James Walsh

However, what would your reaction be were you married to a control freak? Quite a few, unknowingly wed such people. They enter the marital relationship unaware of these tendencies lurking beneath the poised veneer. After marriage, realisation sets in and the victimised spouses turn desperately unhappy. It is better to identify a control freak at the platonic stage of the relationship to prevent agony at a later date.

!b> Identification of a Control Freak

• Control freaks are perfectionists
• They can neither compromise nor negotiate
• It is hard to socialise with them
• Some of them might appear self absorbed
• While the other type tries to control the people all around

The given few points are generalised in nature and do not comprise of all the characteristics. If your friend or partner has these traits he/she is a control freak. Needless to say it is difficult living with them and the daily dominance they subject you to, makes life a struggle.

Dominating Behaviour of the Control Freak Spouse

Control freak spouses are varied in nature. Some are mild in their approach while others make it a constant point to check on the partner. Deep down they are highly insecure and they camouflage this trait thus. They always dominate conversations and belittle the opinion of their spouse. They even go to the extent of deciding the attire and hairstyle for their marital partner. They monitor the friends’ circle of their partner and expect to be kept informed of every move of theirs.

Some control freaks even exercise control over the home finances. They also keep checking the bank accounts of the spouse. They mop up all the resources and leave nothing for the family to spend. After all, financial control is the best form of curbing all the other major activities.

Does your partner exhibit these patterns of behaviour? It is undoubtedly difficult to exist with such people. However, when control freaks reform themselves they invariably become good people to stay with. A fact that may surprise many of you is that the control freak not only loves you but is also afraid of you. The insecurity experienced deep down induces them into subjugating people all around them. Now, that you are aware of their inadequacies how do you propose to handle your relationship?

Will You Stay?

Staying life long with such a person is intolerable. You have to take some positive steps. If you plan to help them, be prepared to sacrifice your personal freedom for some time to come. Once they seek clinical help, life with them is bound to be happy.

However, to make them seek help is difficult. No one would like to accept they are wrong, more so the control freaks. Convincing them is a slow process. You have to also bring to their notice how affected you are by the extremely dominating nature of theirs. Initially reluctant spouses ultimately agree. Though, it is difficult to change patterns of behaviour, gradual change sets in once a concentrated effort is made. An improved control freak could well be the ideal partner you had been hoping for.

Will You Go?

However, it is not easy to reform all the control freaks. Spouses who realise and develop the will to change can easily modify themselves. Some people have extreme problems. They refuse to accept help or change their nature. Divorce is the only answer if you are married to one such partner. A solitary life is necessary to make such people realise how wrong they were.

Even if your partner is a mild control freak, you can opt for a divorce if the quality of the relationship has disintegrated beyond rectification. To breathe fresh life into such a dying relationship requires much effort and interest. Whether you leave or live with them; the choice is yours ultimately.

Control freaks can be encountered everywhere. However, if you are married to one, either try to reform your spouse, or choose a divorce. Trying to lead a normal life with a control freak is a virtual impossibility.

James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk

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Topics: Relationships | Comments Off

Tags: divorce, family, home, managed divorce, mental health, relationship, Relationships, solicitor

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