Parenting Help: When Your Child is Afraid to go on Sleep-Overs

By Dr. Noel Swanson

Children love to go on sleep-overs with their friends – or to camps and other special events for kids. But for some children their fear of sleeping away from home overshadows the daytime fun – perhaps even to the extent that they simply won’t go. If your child is struggling with such a fear, perhaps this will help you to help her.

First of all, you need to understand where the fear is coming from. Don’t ridicule your child by caustic remarks, such as ‘don’t be such a baby.’ Also, don’t get into an argument about the problem with your child. This will only undermine your child’s confidence rather than solve the problem. So, you have to begin by recognizing the problem. You have to admit that your child is probably as anxious to solve it as you are. Hence, think calmly and plan a strategic approach to help him.

Fear is an illogical emotion; you can’t get rid of it by just reasoning. You have to work on it by using a process of gradual desensitization. First get to the root of the problem. Many times the problem is not about sleep-overs only; it is deeper than that. May be the child does not feel secure being away from the mother, and even sleeping away from her in the other room is a big challenge!

Whatever the degree of the problem, the process is the same. Identify first what she IS able to do comfortably and confidently. Perhaps she is happy sleeping on the floor next to your bed. Or in her own bed, provided the door is open. Or she can manage a sleep-over with the grandparents, but not with a friend or cousin. Whatever it is, that is your starting point.

Then it is time to speak to your child and offer various options plus some incentives. Find out what he would really like to do and encourage him to go ahead with it. If the child expresses enthusiasm, make a note of it. When the opportunity arises, you may pick that option to begin with.

Now work backwards from the goal to the present. E.g. In order to be able to go to camp for 5 nights, you first need to be able to sleep away at the Easter camp for 2 nights. In order to do that, you need to be able to sleep at your friends house for two nights. Before you do that, you need to be able to do one night at your friend’s, and before you can do that, you need to be able to manage your own room with the door shut…. And so on.

Obviously you will need to tailor this to your own circumstances. Once you have a rough layout for this, then go to the present and look at the very first step. If necessary, break this down even further. Start with what she is currently comfortable with doing, and ask, what is the very first step? It might be as small as moving from the floor next to your bed, to the floor in the hallway just outside your bedroom door.

It helps to talk it out with your child and agree on a starting date. Then think of a way of celebrating success. Make sure you do not set difficult goals. One step at a time is the secret of success. Remember that. Let your child be willing to move from one step to the next. Of course, you may offer rewards to encourage him.

You will know you have failed if the child reverts back to the starting point. It only means that you need to work a little more on the first step itself before proceeding further. Try again with greater incentives. Some day you will help your child overcome his fear.

It can take some time to work through the steps, but if you do it gradually and systematically, and combine it all with plenty of encouragement and rewards, you should be able to get there.

Dr. Noel Swanson has years of experience in helping parents with child behavior problems. To tap into his expert parenting advice go to his website and check out his GOOD CHILD Guide manual, packed full of practical parenting advice.

Article kindly provided by UberArticles.com

Topics: Uncategorized | No Comments »

Reprint Rights

Comments are closed.