The Hilarious Madness of Steven Wright

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Every so often, a person comes along that simply is hard to put in a particular category. The comedian Steven Wright is certain one such person. He is utterly original, but one has to wonder where the observations come from.

If you don’t know Steven Wright, you can rest assured that you probably have heard some of his sayings repeated by other comedians. The real question is whether he is brilliant, insane or a delightful combination of both. Here, you decide:

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, “Didn’t you see the stop sign?” I said, “Yeah, but I don’t believe everything I read.”

The sky is falling…no, I’m tipping over backwards.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car. The other is a rare photograph of Norman Rockwell beating up a child.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don’t have film.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

Right now I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Someone sent me a postcard picture of the earth. On the back it said, “Wish you were here.”

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.

A beautiful woman moved in next door. So I went over and returned a cup of sugar. “You didn’t borrow this.” “I will.”

Two babies were born on the same day at the same hospital. They lay there and looked at each other. Their families came and took them away. Eighty years later, by a bizarre coincidence, they lay in the same hospital, on their deathbeds, next to each other. One of them looked at the other and said, “So. What did you think?”

When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

Aazdak Alisimo writes for FunnyQuotesDaily.com, where you can get free funny quotes updated each and every day of the year.

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MLA Style Citation:
Alisimo, Aazdak "The Hilarious Madness of Steven Wright." The Hilarious Madness of Steven Wright. 5 Feb. 2010. uberarticles.com. 26 May 2012 <http://uberarticles.com/miscellaneous/the-hilarious-madness-of-steven-wright/>.

APA Style Citation:
Alisimo, A (2010, February 5). The Hilarious Madness of Steven Wright. Retrieved May 26, 2012, from http://uberarticles.com/miscellaneous/the-hilarious-madness-of-steven-wright/

Chicago Style Citation:
Alisimo, Aazdak "The Hilarious Madness of Steven Wright" uberarticles.com. http://uberarticles.com/miscellaneous/the-hilarious-madness-of-steven-wright/

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