A Guided Tour Of Two Hundred Bunkers

By Russell R. Collins

In my wilder moments I sometimes tell people that I play golf. They may well conjure up images in their heads of Jack Nicklaus and myself laughing together over the round we just played, but the truth is that actually you’ll probably find me crying in a patch of overgrown wilderness with my club wrapped firmly round a sycamore and a score card that looks more like a selection of lottery numbers. Jack Nicklaus, on the other hand, who has never heard of me, is the renowned world champion golfer, and is quite good at it. I bet he’s never had an encounter with a sycamore and a patch of thistles.

Besides being a world champion golfer and ambassador for the sport, Jack is well known for being an excellent designer of golf courses, and has recently become introduced to a new audience through his recent television adverts for Polaris. Whether or not you’re interested in buying property overseas, if you’re a golfer like me, or perhaps a slightly better one, then what Jack has done over there might well be of interest. Believe it or not, he has designed nine new golf courses specifically for one resort! That’s a staggering 162 holes in the ground for me to miss. On the upside, that also probably means a good couple of hundred sandy bunkers for me to become horribly familiar with too.

I wasn’t really thinking about overseas property myself, although I can’t say why. Like most people I think it’s just one of those things that other people do isn’t it? Those neighbours of yours that live two doors down and always seem to be off somewhere and even in the middle of winter they have deep rich tans that you pretend not to notice and secretly resent. They always seem happy too. Damn those neighbours. But what got me interested was the whole of idea of having nine new golf courses all nestled near each other. That sounds like any golfer’s heaven, whether your professional or an amateur. I class myself as an amateur personally. Some people don’t even think I have made it that far, but then everyone’s a critic.

I was trying to play a game of golf at my local course recently, and it wasn’t easy. We’d had a lot of rain lately – which isn’t surprising, it’s what we’re known for here. The problem was that the whole course was so waterlogged that I was seriously considering trading in my golf cart for a dinghy. Rowing across to the eighth whilst waving a cheery greeting to some poor soul who’s stranded on the edge of a bunker and looks very much as though he’s Man Friday is not the traditional or preferred style of playing golf. If I liked getting wet I’d have taken up swimming and if I enjoyed getting muddy I’d have taken up rugby.

So with the weather here so dismal, the idea of having nine brand new golf courses all designed by the world’s top golfer, all located together somewhere where it rains sunshine and the only pouring that happens is a glass of Sangria at the nineteenth. I have never considered buying overseas property because of the hassle, but then, thinking about the hassle of coping with the everyday gloom and access to just one or two local golf courses here, upping sticks and taking the plunge just once to benefit from a lifetime of endless golf and warm weather is incredibly tempting. What’s even more tempting is that I hear they’re now offering free trips over there so that you can experience it for yourself. The idea of a weekend in one of these resorts, playing a free round of golf on one of Jack Nicklaus’ designs is something that makes me wonder whether I could become the neighbour that gets the envied looks.

Do you know what your house is worth? I had mine valued recently, and paid little attention to it. Then I saw one of those television adverts for overseas property with golf courses and sun, and couldn’t believe that the cheapest houses there were half the cost of my home, and for the price my house is worth I could get a grand villa! Imagine that – a grand villa in Spain with all that sun, a private balcony overlooking the mountains on one side and the blue ocean on the other, and 162 holes just crying out for me to try to sink a small white ball into them. And even more bunkers starting to get excited at the prospect of more company.

I know that the idea of moving there sounds too much like hassle, but then I keep looking out of my window at the gloom and grey, and think about how I get up in the morning. You know, I don’t even bother to open the curtains sometimes. There’s nothing much to look at except grey skies, gloomy faces and the rain dripping off the gutters onto the muddy patch that I laughably refer to as my garden. But I have an image in my head of how I would feel waking up in my own villa in Spain. From one window I would be able to look across at the ponderous mountains as they yawn their way towards the purple haze of the horizon, and in the other direction I would watch the yachts skip across the cheerful blue ocean. Apparently the sea is blue over there – imagine that, clear blue water on your doorstep that doesn’t mean you’ve been flooded.

That free trip to try things out is very tempting, and I suppose I have nothing to lose. If all else fails, I’ll get a free trip to Spain, and a good game of golf. Well, as good as my game of golf is ever likely to get. My only handicap is myself. The adverts and brochures all used to see aimed at people who were retiring to Spain, or had bags of spare cash to invest, but today companies like Polaris World seem to be aiming more at people like me as well. Ordinary people who want something more than just damp, cold gloom. I like the idea of getting up in the morning and looking forward to a game of golf, rather than wondering if the weather will be good enough to let me make a dash to the car. The adverts certainly make the whole process sound easy. You never know, I might even bump into Jack as he designs his tenth course there. Maybe he’ll give me a few tips. Maybe I’ll give him some too. Maybe.

Looking for quality golfing properties. Find them here at Polaris Golf Spain. Wide selection, cheap prices and free inspection trips from selected UK airports. Why not invest overseas today?
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