Do You Have To Control To Manage Children’s Behaviour?

By Liz Marsden

I’m quite often asked if my successful behaviour management techniques are about control.

The other day a woman was walking her dog by my house and I saw it refuse to move. As she pulled on the lead the collar slipped off and the dog ran up the road in the direction of the very busy main road. When she shouted, the dog luckily sat down and she was able to replace its collar. The next try failed and the dog was nearer the main road. The woman was panicking and gave in to the dog’s desire to go in the opposite direction from where she wanted it to go. So, the dog got it’s own way, it’s life put in danger from the traffic – all because she didn’t have the right equipment, was using the wrong techniques and was in the wrong place and failed to have control.

A few days ago I was driving and noticed a woman waiting to cross the road with 2 children either side of a pram. One child ran into the road in front of my car. Fortunately I was being observant and not in a dream and stopped before hitting the child. The situation could have been distastrous. The woman had few options – leave the pram and other child, push the pram and the other child into the road to rescue the one in the middle, scream at the child – all the options were risky. The same as the lady with the dog the situation arose because the adult didn’t have control of the situation and three children were put into a dangerous position.

The question I raised earlier was to ask if control is the basis of effectively managing children’s behaviour. And the answer? Yes it is about control but controlling in the correct way.

Many adults seem to think that there is something wrong with being responsible for the control and discipline of children. It is claimed by many that such controls are detrimental to children’s development, their ability to express themselves and imaginative advancement. Very young children are allowed, even encouraged, to be independent long before they have the emotional maturity to be so – they are seen in shops, streets, parks and on river banks without adults being close enough (even attached) to rapidly intervene if the need arises. How can adult control be so wrong when without it children’s lives can be endangered?

Let me say that the child that ran into the road wouldn’t have developed much further if he or she had been hit by my car! The development of expression and imagination wouldn’t have progressed much further! And as for the dog and the out of control owner – it would have been under a truck – not a good result!

But children have changed, it’s argued. I don’t think so. Children haven’t had time to evolve into something else. The thing that’s changed is grown ups’ attitdude towards child discipline and upbringing.

It’s essential for children to learn the ways of the world so they mature into emotionally confident adults who are able to control their own behaviour. If they miss these vital lessons they tend to behave like toddlers when their expectations aren’t met – not a good look when you’re 13 – even worse when you’re in your 20s!! Children get these growing up lessons from adults controlling and guiding (disciplining) their behaviour.

So, what’s my message about controlling children and its place in effective discipline and behaviour management? It’s a strong message – until a child has self control, it has to be controlled. That’s it, pure and simple.

However, it is equally important that the correct ways to control and discipline are employed. Children have to be encouraged to be self controlled, independent and confident. Effective behaviour management techniques can be easily learned by anyone. In Behaviour Bible you can read, put into practise and use consistently the techniques I have developed and used successfully with the most demanding behaviour.

Liz Marsden successfully manages children’s challenging behaviour every working day. You can take advantage of her expertise and skills in her book, Behaviour Bible where she gives you the same invaluable advice that she uses herself and uses to train teachers, students and support workers. Read about her daily class experiences and gain gain further insight into her work.

categories: behaviour management,classroom control,disciplining children,controlling children’s behaviour,classroom management,managing children’s behaviour,discipline in school,education,social behaviour,parenting,behaviour in schools,child development

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