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Do People Make Their Problems Your Problem? Read On!

By Norita Sieffert

One of the biggest issues I have is dealing with those who dump their problems on me. They forgot about something, or they misplaced an item, or they screwed something up. Suddenly it is my issue and I have to correct it for them. I used to get very frustrated at these events. Suddenly one day it occurred to me. This is the same thing I’ve done to God. I have screwed things up. Soon it’s me crawling back to Him, begging for help out of the situation. So now I understand that I am just as bad as everyone else. The main character Jolus in the book “The Seer of Remmon” had to work through the exact same thing.

I am so grateful that God isn’t like me. He is not tapping His foot and waiting to pounce as soon as I screw things up. God is not the policeman in the sky who lives to torment weak humanity. He is a gracious Father who is continually looking out for our best. We often don’t know what we need. But He is wise enough to always do what’s best. We just have to trust Him.

Now that I have said that, I have to be realistic. The truth is that others will persist in making their problems my and your problems. There are several methods for handling this. First off, you could get angry and feel your blood pressure skyrocket. You might shake your fist at them and gripe behind their back. You could whine and complain to anyone who will listen. However, nothing you do here will alter their conduct. It is akin to gulping poison and then waiting for them to die. It’ll never happen.

A second thing you could try is to leave your job if that is the problem. Or you might cancel the friendship with that person. You can abandon your church or that club you joined. You can also sell your house and live somewhere else. You might even de-friend them on Facebook or other social sites. You can delete their email and let your calls go to voicemail. But this will only be for a time. It’s likely you’ll develop another friendship. Then this vicious cycle will commence once more.

Truthfully, the only way to stop this problem is to change your thinking. Begin to realize right now that you really don’t have control over other people’s behavior. No matter how much you yell and scream and cry they are not going to stop doing what they’re doing or being who they are. Certainly a few people might change if it turns out they didn’t realize what they were doing. But most won’t change. This is a sad but true fact.

Changing your thinking is not very easy. You probably grew up thinking that life should be fair. It turns out that life is immeasurably unfair. People who should get rewarded don’t, and those who should not get rewarded do. Chances are that someone who dumped on you probably got rewarded for that behavior. This is why most people won’t change.

It can help if we recall our friendship with Jesus and why we have that friendship to begin with. We were ignorant of the fact that we even had any issues. But God was not ignorant of our problems. He made the first move and made our sin problem His sin problem. We couldn’t comprehend that our fate was to spend eternity in torment. However, He in His mercy gave us His Son to become human, live perfectly and then suffer and die on the cross for our sins. Today we can have a full relationship with God if we believe.

I am not selfless enough to die for another person’s predicament. Only Jesus was that selfless. He stands alone because He didn’t deserve to take on our problems. But He chose to do this. As you labor to alter your attitude, remember that Jesus is ever present and He truly comprehends what you’re going through. He won’t get angry or berate you for your feelings. He truly understands. And He will work to change your heart.

It is impossible to change others. But you can change yourself with the Lord’s help. Why struggle even one more day with frustration, anger and bitterness over things you can’t control? Let them go. Turn to God and find the peace that has been eluding you.

Norita Sieffert is a published author and speaker with a Master’s Degree in Theology. She tends to see life from a practical point of view and finds real solutions to real issues. Her life is fully committed to Jesus Christ and to sharing her faith with those who walk the same roads. To browse her latest Christian fiction titles on Kindle, go to her online bookstore.

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Article Citation
MLA Style Citation:
Sieffert, Norita "Do People Make Their Problems Your Problem? Read On!." Do People Make Their Problems Your Problem? Read On!. 30 Sep. 2012. 20 Jul 2014 <>.

APA Style Citation:
Sieffert, N (2012, September 30). Do People Make Their Problems Your Problem? Read On!. Retrieved July 20, 2014, from

Chicago Style Citation:
Sieffert, Norita "Do People Make Their Problems Your Problem? Read On!"

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